JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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