I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
They are going to name an STD after you.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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