Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Randomize
