Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
