At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
