we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Randomize
