Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
