apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Randomize
