You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
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