hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
