Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
