halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
