some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
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