This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
