you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Randomize
