how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
