The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
