Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
