i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
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