They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
