That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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