I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Randomize
