I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
