She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
