billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
