i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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