I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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