i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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