I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Randomize
