Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
