Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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