Pants 0. Shit 1.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
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