i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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