omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
