i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
