I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
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