i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
