i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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