I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
My life is pants optional.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
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