my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
