just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
