I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
you didnt know i had herpes?
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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