Where is the hickey?
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I wish i was in the wii world.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
