If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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