He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Randomize
