We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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