Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
