she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Randomize
