Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
