god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
