I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
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