The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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