I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
