I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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