I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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