ya dads aren't the best wingmen
wat bout pragnant strippers??
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
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