you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
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