I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
